Acceptance

I feel the breeze. I feel the sun kissing my skin. I see it. I see what a stunning view lies in front of me. Infinite. Calm. Tranquil. Heaven… But I am not here.

As I adjust my sitting position, I place the book that I hold in my hands for the past 55 minutes next to me. I am not here. My minds are wandering – wondering from one thought to another.From the 280 pages – I’ve read 20 pages only, but nothing remain in my head. What’s wrong?! I take few deep breathe. In and Out naturally. Bring the attention to the breath– I learn from wise people that it could somehow bring you to the NOW time. As I take my IN breathe, I notice that I am breathing IN and it works the same in the OUT breathe.

I don’t know exactly for how long I’ve been doing mindful breathing , I found myself so alone, so peaceful, so quiet with eyes closed. Nothing has distracted me. I found calm flow energy around my chest area. Begin to notice chill sensation all over my body. Stronger on the uncovered part.I bet the sun is going down slowly behind the mountain. Literaly I heard nothing, apart from the gentle sound of the water.

Oh, how much I love to be in this beach. As I feel very deep in peace – I smile. Light smile. I feel the muscles constraction’s on my face. How damn peaceful! I begin to open my eyes slowly – and again I see the same view like before I have my eyes closed. Only this time more emotional. I am tearing down. Warm tears. Look at me now – I am at my favorite spot , completely on my own.

Means, I am not with the people who are used to surround me . Far from home. Out of daily things that I used to see and do. I create distance with those I mentioned before. I pull myself , better to say I take time to embrace my broken self.

I was betrayed. I was disappointed. Deeply disappointed. But now I am working on myself. There is nothing could be more powerful to take you down – but yourself. Yourself should be more important than other people. This is the spirit. Yes, I didn’t find any luck to bring my relationship further to the marriage. Since it begins to 1,5 years after that all was good and smooth – till the time to commit yourself to each other comes – you are in doubt.

You thrilled by the horror couple stories that other has created from their miserable marriage life. You fear to lose your personal independence and space. I believe that you just failed to understand that you are not losing it but you now need to tolerate with your ‘together space’.

You started to be more focus or critic – I would say , you just trying to find as many as excuses to make this relationship doesn’t work – about our differences. You started with our background , then spiritual view , then cultures , then traditions, then belief…I am sure that you are just suck about yourself , your society , your environtment , your background – spiritual view – culture – tradition – and belief. And those all confusing you. Those all affect your mind clarity.

I remember your word “Inteligent people always change their decisions”. And exactly in that moment I realized “Damn!!! I have been with the wrong person!”.

“Huuuuhhh,,,” it’s me, breathing out. Thought that It will be nice to lay down – feel the heat of the sand – and put the book open on my face. I feel don’t  want to stare at the sky. And it is imposible to see the sunset from here otherwise if you go up to that hill.

As I said before, the sun is set behind the mountain. I don’t even thinking about to turn on my playlist.Naah,,,better to listen to the nature.  All is well till I strongly pull my right leg , because I feel something moist and warm – gently biting my right toe!. Full of shock – I lift up my upper body to see what is that.

My eyes meet those cute eyes which are shocking as well. The world litteraly stop for a while.

“ Bork !! ” till it barking. How cute!

I see in front of me , a ball-ish black and white little puppy lying on his belly – which is now rolling up to expose his belly. I come closer to rub his belly – I know he likes it so much because he stick his tongue out! Okay , he has no colar. Probably he is a stray pupp. I looked around in hope to find someone to ask about – but couldn’t find anybody. I dig into my bag to find anything that he may like to eat .

He is now in stand by position full of curiousity as I make noise by opening  a bag of potato snack. I have nothing else. Give him one by one piece. He eats! I am so glad , or maybe he has lack of foods considering by his skinny shape. If he is a street puppy – then where he sleeps , how he get foods , who give him attention and cares. Most of all – how he could even still alive and looks  fine.

“Bork! Bork! Bork!” Other 2 wet small-sized dogs barking on him from the left side. The pupp look at them for a while and “Bork!!”

He stand up now and joining the 2 dogs that are already running toward the water. It was barking for play time. Compare to the 2 others dogs – of course the pupp is smaller yet strong ,  energetic , and fast. Sometimes they push him too strong to the water , but never mind. After few barks that I guess maybe “you are too rude!” or “it’s not fair!”– he chase them.

You say that humans are better than animal. You think that animals are beings that has no emotions and feelings. I don’t agree. This puppy’s spirit of live is so high. He may not get attentions and cares or dog’s parents with him now. He completely responsible for his own life. He may end up malnourished and rejected by the environment later on during his period of life. He should be worry about this. But look at him , he doesn’t even want to waste his time to think about ‘later on’ in his period of life. He just be at NOW time. He accepts what life brings to his destiny. He is okay now.

It’s getting dark now. I was thinking about to end my beach day session, but I was too curious as where the puppy is. I didn’t hear any barks or see any dog’s silhouette near the water. I am a bit worry about where he is. I simply dress myself with the orange-sarong, it is too chill to walk around just wearing your bikini. I bet I look so contrast with the orange sarong on my brown skin. Feel exotic!

I could’t find the pupp after 15 minutes of walking. Hm,, where he could be. Not even the 2 other dogs.

“Puppy,, Puppy!!” first – I don’t know his name. Second – I hope that he knew that I am looking for him.

Maybe one more time?! “Puppy,,,,,!!”

There he is ! Behind that boat. I come closer toward the boat – but the pupp is not alone.

“Your puppy?“ a western man with the camera hang around his neck – sitting on the sand feeding the pupp. Compassionate. That is the first impression. Intelligent – after I see that he wears glasses. Fit and strong – after I look at him from top to toe. Calm – as “your puppy?” is the only question that he asked me so far.

“No., it’s not! I just saw this puppy a few minutes ago. I believe that he is a stray pupp, and was thinking about giving a little care,,,” as I sit down in front of him.

“Jordan!” he smiles introducing himself.

“Bulan,,” introducing myself too.

My intuition says – he is amazing.

 Passionate – after I feel his vibrations.

Aaaand  that’s how  my evening starts – at the beach , sky full of stars, grilled fish dinner , and a lot of actions and barks from Spirit – the name that we give to the puppy.

And this sweet moment happened 2 months after I try to wisely release my past , my suffers , and just surrender. You never know what life has prepared for you.You just gotta be open up and strongly believe in youself – and surrender. And let magic happen,,,,, [T]